Ini post Cinta:)

be warned.

ini post cinta.lagi panjang dan mungkin bosan

I have a guy that I love and I really wanted to tell him that I love him. But thinking back the consequences which he might be doesn’t love me at all, so I stop. Thinking back that this feeling will be called as ‘unrecruited love’ is hard to be accepted, right? . So then things changed, I tried hard to become a better person, trying the hardest to become as beauty as i can, read more books (putting some efforts to become more intelligent), look up recipes (somehow to become better in cook), and pray more (more solehah after all..ngehs ^^). In hope that one day, when I tell him that I love him, he will never has any reasons to reject but to accept me, because I am perfect enough!

And that I, have really fallen in love to a man

***************************************************

No, these are all fictional but yet somehow quite true.*haha

Seeing others finding their life partners is like you watching cute cats lying on beds. Damn cute.

haih lovey-dovey cat

But then, I’ll ended up having false emotions and little confusions. (nak cakap awak tu nak kawen jugakla tu kan) hehs.no no.That’s not the thing. But yes, marriage and life partners. 

People around this age (like us) will definitely think about this. (kan,,xyah nak tipu yang anda tidak pernah fikirkan nya)*hee

Teringat masa zaman sekolah, I always adored those guys that look kind and good. It was usually called  “budak surau”. Always, sebab bila masuk waktu solat mesti nampak muka-muka tersebut, duduk membaca al-quran dengan baik sekali. Takpun jadi bilal,kene pulak suara merdu (haih^^). These young people yang walaupun muka tak seberapa, tapi songkok/kopiah dikepala serta tertunduknya dia bila berjalan selisih dengan budak perempuan, that character is good enough. Mereka-mereka yang bila pergi bilik guru selalunya akan tolong angkat barang-barang cikgu, dan mereka yang lebih aman membincangkan isu agama dan ilmu berbanding bola dan duniawi. That are mostly the criteria they have and I wish to have my half (my partner) like that.

When he will become my Ali and i will be his Fatimah. Huh

As simple as that?

But this is a sad part

That I am nowhere near to Fatimah to have a man like Ali

I am nowhere to a qualification of a good Muslim

And yet dreamed to have a good muslim in return

*You got a little pricked, right?

But there is nothing wrong for us to change. Right? Because life is all about changes and we should not expect any perfection in any matters especially in us. Even to others. 

Dream is not a fault

Putting effort to become a good muslimah is even more NOT A  FAULT!

It is just a dream

Yet still Allah is The Only One who knows and plans

Always

Tapi, kita selalu bimbangkan satu perkara ni; Niat

What if my intention went wrong that I make changes to myself  is just in order to get a good partner?  

If that really happens:



We should look up again the first hadith in the book of 40 Hadis Imam Nawawi several times, digest them  and always refresh your niat… because you know your ultimate goal.

Your goal is not a man

But Allah

Always

but here is something i've been thinking:

i realized something happened with my relationship to Allah which i can't find my heart in any deeds, in solah, in reciting dua', in all. To the extent of defining "find my heart in ibadah" which ones will feel great tranquility and satisfaction after performing it. 

i am no longer able to feel that.oh sad

so then i've came across a quote saying:

We no longer talk to Him. 

We no longer have tears with our du'a.

We no longer pour things out from our hearts.

Because our hearts has become hardened enough, 

that it no longer seeks Allah s.w.t.

in comparison to what we always feel towards human being,
macam yang saya cerita tadi...we tend to change a lot 
toget the love from the person we adore

why dont we change to be better
because of HIM


 So i got my point. Mungkin kerana saya sudah lama tidak mengadu cerita pada Dia, sudah lama tidak menangis dalam doa. Kerana saya ini asyik  mengadu sakit, melepas gembira pada manusia sekeliling saya saja. Dan oleh itu hati menjadi keras.

"We often mix between what is for Allah's sake 

and what is for our own sake". 

Hence, we need reminders to get us back on the rightful track

-copied-

so, to get back into track, we need to do more and more ibadah, solat sunat, baca quran, sadaqa, and good akhlak in our everyday routine

May Allah bless us. May all our efforts make differences on us, on becoming the good one, for His sake.

May all of us get our hearts back and put our strength to the fullest in keeping and decorating it in this ramadhan which has really comes to its end. But not quite the end. Hopefully to meet ramadhan in the next year too. InsyaAllah wa Ameen (say ameen)

Thanks reading. These are all my thoughts sometimes in the past. Please correct any of my wrong thinking

with love:

Siraj

*post ini kononnya disimpan hanya untuk 'own reading' sebab isinya agak controversial. So, sorry for any cheesy things:) Feel free to comment